


Let It Be

by Goggsy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Established Relationship, F/F, and this time it is actually angst and not just fluff that I think is angsty, honestly I hate myself for writing this because I've caused myself so much pain hey, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 16:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17901419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goggsy/pseuds/Goggsy
Summary: Today, Yaz had crossed the line in the sand and broke one of the Doctor’s fundamental rules. And, at that moment, she knew that the only way to save Yaz from herself was to let her go.





	Let It Be

Every time the Doctor let somebody new into her hearts she knew it would inevitably end in pain. She always hoped that her time with her companions would end in a good note, that they would leave on their own terms to continue their lives without her.

She was rarely that lucky.

Ryan and Graham had left on their own accord, Graham finally deciding to confront his grief, and Ryan wanting to reconnect with his father.

Yaz, however, had stayed.

Yaz, who, for the longest time, looked at her like she hung up the stars. The face that this face had cherished the most. They’d grown closer without the boys there, and on one glorious, uneventful night their lips had met and everything in her finally felt at peace.

That year had been one of the happiest in her long life. She was content, travelling hopefully through space and time with the woman she loved as they, together, sorted out fair play across the universe.

And then, like it always did, and like it would always continue to do, it all fell apart. She hadn’t meant to react so harshly when she saw Yaz holding the knife in shock, her victim lying on the ground, his blood mingling with the officer he had stabbed. She should have been comforting and understanding, instead of lecturing her girlfriend for using lethal force.

But, she was scared. She knew how close Yaz had been to serious harm and so she lashed out. And, in doing so, she lost Yaz forever.

It didn’t happen immediately. But, the crack grew and grew until the darkness consumed Yaz and the Doctor could barely recognise the woman she loved. If only she had handled that one moment differently, things might have turned out alright. Yaz wouldn’t have retreated from her, and maybe she could have stopped that once unending optimism from fading.

As time went on, Yaz had become more and more callous. The Doctor always strove for the peaceful option, abhorring violence at all cost and giving people multiple chances to improve. Yaz had started disagreeing with her, arguing that some foes were too dangerous to be left alive.

The Doctor knew exactly where her thoughts had manifested. The man who had killed the officer in front of Yaz had been released on bail after he assaulted his girlfriend. Were the law less lenient, he wouldn’t have been free, and maybe poor Derek would still be alive.

Those thoughts were no doubt exacerbated by the horrors they were often faced with throughout the universe. The Doctor could understand exactly what Yaz was going through. She had been there herself, a long long time ago, and it took centuries to come to terms with the monster she had been.

Centuries that Yaz didn’t have.

Today, Yaz had crossed the line in the sand and broke one of the Doctor’s fundamental rules. And, at that moment, she knew that the only way to save Yaz from herself was to let her go.

When they got back to the TARDIS, the Doctor had pretended that everything was fine. They landed in Sheffield, the Doctor making some excuse about how it had been a while since Yaz had seen her family.

Yaz looked at her confused when she realised that the Doctor had stopped awkwardly in the doorway. “Are you not coming?”

The Doctor refused to look at her, instead focusing on the bit of TARDIS she was fiddling with. “Should probably go recharge the old girl. Been a while.”

“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Yaz asked.

“Technically, I guess. But, she’s already annoyed at me, I would rather not make her angrier.” The Doctor knew that her excuse was flimsy at best, but she hoped that Yaz would be too distracted by the events of the day to question her.

She wasn’t so lucky. Yaz walked back to her and rested her hand on the Doctor’s arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Despite everything, she relished the contact.

“Hey, is everything ok? You’re not mad at me, are you?” Yaz asked, her voice soft and uncertain.

The Doctor’s resolve was wavering. How could she even contemplate leaving this wondrous woman? This was unfair. All she ever wanted to do was make the universe a better place. Why did that simple dream keep on destroying all of those around her?

When she didn’t respond, Yaz continued. “I love you, you know.”

The Doctor didn’t miss the desperation in her voice and it broke her hearts. “I know.” She sighed. “I love you too.”

Yaz pulled her in for a hug, and the Doctor inhaled, committing every sensation into memory.

“I know you don’t approve of what I did, but he killed people, Doctor. He tortured you. And he wouldn’t have stopped.”

“I know.” The Doctor lied. And with that, she was reminded exactly why she needed to do this. She broke out of the embrace and grabbed Yaz’s hand. “Come on, the TARDIS can wait until tomorrow. Let’s have some of your dad’s terrible pakora.”

The universe owed them at least one last night of happiness.

When 4 am ticked by, the Doctor reluctantly knew it was time to go. After gently removing herself from Yaz’s embrace she kissed her one last time.  “Yasmin Khan, I’ll always love you.” She whispered before leaving forever.

**Author's Note:**

> This whole one shot came about because I got thinking about the ways that Yaz might leave the show because apparently I hate myself. I've heard a lot of theories that she'll leave the Doctor after she snaps, but hey, what if it was Yaz that snaps?
> 
> Anyway, I hope this was alright. I really, really struggle to write angst because I just want those two to be happy, you know, so they keep on fighting me to stay together. Originally they were going to fight about morality and stuff, but I realised that Yaz is so stubborn that she'd never willingly leave the Doctor, so the only way for her to be left behind is if the Doctor was a dick and just left without saying anything.


End file.
